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| Alicia Keys--Damn Baby |
| 01.28.04 (9:35 am) [edit] |
I couldnt leave without posting one last time. Last night I was skimming throught the channels and my sister tells me that Alcia Keys is on BET. I decide I'm gonna check it out I just bought her new CD. I saw her when she was in Hawaii. There are artists out there that do what they do but this girl does what she does and does it oh so well. I remember during the concert in Hawaii having chills the whole time. Really just feeling everything she was singing. Her voice was sultry. Its not candy coated and when there are notes that she just wants you too understand your eyes swell up cause the feeling comes from somewhere deep inside. I'm passionate about a lot of things but music takes the cake.
When I purchase a CD its cause it's one of those "I have to own this one" kind of things. I usually pick a track thats mine. That they haven't played on the radio yet. That no one else has heard. On The Diary of Alicia Keys (her 2nd CD) I picked track #6 "If I Ain't Got You". In order to really understand why, you have to LISTEN to it. It's not about the lyrics its about her choice of delivering what shes trying to say. Invest in this CD people. Trust me.
If I Ain't Got You
Some people live for the fortune
Some people live just for the fame
Some people live for the power yeah
Some people live just to play the game
Some people think that the physical things
Define what's within
And I've been there before
But that life's a bore
So full of the superficial
Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you
Some people search for a fountain
The promises forever young
Some people need three dozen roses
And that's the only way to prove you love them
Hand me a world on a silver platter
And what good would it be?
With no one to share, with no one who truly cares for me
Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you, you, you
Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you
If I ain't got you with me baby
Nothing in this whole wide world don't mean a thing
If I ain't got you with me baby
So I'm sitting here listening to it now. Letting the piano keys carry me. Damn. If I could have someone sing to me like that I'd be a whooped woman. Forget trying to find the love of my life. Just sing to me. Just let me feel what you are saying. With that carmel skin and those big brown eyes. The crooked little grin. The way you pronounce certain words with that accent of yours.
Someday my friends. I'm gonna be sitting be the sea side. Watching the blue waters wash away my worries. In the background this song would be playing. It would definitly be on the soundtrack of my life.
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| My morning Hard On's |
| 01.27.04 (10:18 am) [edit] |
In no particular order this morning
1. It's been an hour since I started downloading the new Pepsi video. I keep looking at the screen like its gonna go any faster. The reason I want to see it is cause it has Pink and Britney and Beyonce in it. I am prepared for my imagination to go into naughty places. (after posting the blog I'm going on two hours and its only half way there) OMG this better be good.
2. I am listening to the 80's station this morning and they played "Careless Whispers" by George Michael and that song still makes my stomach sink. (I hate it when that happens) So I take a deep breath and let it go.
3. I am leaving to Michigan tomorrow morning and I am sure that I have no real concept of how freakin cold its gonna be. Though I have a feeling I'll manage to keep warm. There is a hot tub after all and uhm I get to be an ass judge. This can only bring good stories my way.
4. I now have an over the shoulder bag since I started riding the bus. For my trip it will carry "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coehlo, my CD player (which Cruzando purchased for me--thank you), a small notebook to write stuff down. I have not decided what CD's to take just yet . This is going to take me all night to decide.
5. There will be no stories or tblog's for five days. What will you all do for entertainment?
6. I REALLY like this song by Eamon called "Fuck It ( I don’t want you back)". It's so adolescent but it’s a guilty pleasure. He's a cute 20 year old East Coast boy. I have a crush on a boy celebrity (this is such a rare thing). You can find the lyrics on the internet if you want to find them.
7. We have a new temp but she is NOTHING like the "Screaming Bisexual Sex Kitten".
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| Moving to LA |
| 01.25.04 (3:06 pm) [edit] |
I usually dont do this. its really against my nature. BUt DAMN....this link is not work safe. well it is as long as you dont click on the thumbnails. its a club in LA. I'm moving if SF doesn't step the hell up and Im gonna set up an Apt across the street from this location.
http://www.trasnochando.com/cosas/back_to_LA/" title="http://www.trasnochando.com/cosas/back_to_LA/" target="_blank"http://www.trasnochando.com/c...
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| Shhhh its the "L" word |
| 01.24.04 (1:08 pm) [edit] |
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Last night Cuzando and I watched the first episode of “The L Word”. We gave it a happy two thumbs up! This show reminded me of why I love women. Really it was just this wake-up call. I am officially infatuated with Jennifer Beals *hubba hubba* (Flashdance early 80’s) She has this appeal to her. Damn she’s aged well. My ideal woman if you will. She’s hot. Now that I think of it she reminds me of “T” when she had long hair...hmmmm. (If you are reading this HI!) I can not put into words how fun this was. I think watching TV with Cruzando is one of my favorite things to do. He was trying to figure out what character I was....we decided that I was all of them. The girl who is attracted to straight women, the one who goes to grocery stores cause one of the clerks is hot (like you all don’t do that?), the one who hooks up with random girls (well alright she’s my alter ego). We concluded that I am definitely schitzo cause there are so many layers to my personality. I was so into the show. Totally saying what was gonna happen cause I’ve been in those shoes. For the record ladies if you ever take a walk on that side there is no going back. Its all true. I can’t wait to have my own place so I can have house parties and fill it up with all the girls and boys I’ve met since I’ve been back in the city. Trust me when I say that it would be uhm eye pleasing in lots of different ways, shapes and forms. There is an up-roar in the community how the show is too “pretty”. I for one don’t any complaints. It’s a show let it go. If they wanted reality they’d do a Gay Real World (hey this is my idea! no one can steal it damn it). This is a quick entry. I’m just excited about the show. If anyone cares its on Showtime at 10pm.
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| On Being A Prude |
| 01.23.04 (11:47 am) [edit] |
Prude-- One who is excessively concerned with being or appearing to be proper, modest, or righteous.
1--I am not proper (I know how to act the part when its called for)
2--Modest (o.k maybe a little)
3--Righteous (are you fucking kidding me? I have broken more than half of the commandments and I am not preachy. I've fucked up enough times for a lot of us)
You know I've been called a lot of things in my lifetime but for some unknown reason this word gets under my skin. I don’t consider myself a prude yet some people in my circle insist that I am. Of course I'm talking about sex or lack of in my case. While I can admire people that just let go and run with the lust that fills their loins I just can't bring myself to that. I've done it exactly three times (I meant random hook-ups people!!) and it left me lacking something. I kick them out of my bed and go take a shower. It leaves me asking "what the hell was that". I guess I just have to be compatible. Something else has to be there for it to happen. No I'm not talking about this spiritual life altering experience. Just generally it has to be electric or almost animal for me to even go there.
Does that mean that I am a prude? You tell me. Cruzando says I have this supermodel ego thing that won't allow me to just sleep around. Why would I want to sleep around??? Really someone explain it to me. Is it so I can have someone hold me? (it’s a fling not a commitment) Or is it just to get off. (well that was fun….no you cant stay the night) Where is the satisfaction in that? I mean getting off is great but maybe I'm just not getting something.
According to the definition I am not a prude. Not even in the realm of it. Picky? Yes, absolutely. I don’t know why I am. I just am. Is there a sex law that says I can't be?
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| Dear You |
| 01.21.04 (3:54 pm) [edit] |
When I was led to you
I knew you were the one for me
I swear the whole world could feel my heartbeat
When I lay eyes on you
Ay ay ay
You wrapped me up in
The colour of love
--Sade
Dear You,
I hope that you took the time to look at the blue sky today. I hope you took the time to listen to winds whisper of new things. I hope that the sun lay its tender kiss on your freckled face. I hope you took the time to smile when you took that deep breath, usually after a deep thought. Today as I walked across the parking lot I noticed that the trees had started to bloom. They reminded me of you, mostly I remembered how you make me feel. I wish that I could be the one that could give you the dreams that you hold on too. I wish that I could give you the silver lining to every cloud and that I could be your calm after a long day. I wish we could find a place between then and now and just be. You should never have to change who you have become for anyone because everything that makes you YOU is beautiful. I know my persistence is over whelming. I just don't want you to forget that there is so much more to you than those alluring brown eyes. Know that we'll always have Italy.
What I feel is as simple as love because when its there nothing can take it away, not even time.
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| Hawaii--Back in the glory days |
| 01.21.04 (11:32 am) [edit] |
Alright so this morning I was listening to my I-tunes and this song comes on "Build Me Up Buttercup". Most would remember it from "There's Something about Mary" it was on that soundtrack. Anyway I got flashbacks of my drunk ass roommate (blue eyed country girl) dancing on her bed with a brush for a microphone. I don’t know what it was about this song that made her so perky. I remember drinking Bud Lights on a Friday afternoon and it being 1200am and putting on this song cause it made her happy. We would sing it at the top of our lungs and God knows everyone must of heard us. She would dance on the bed and I would dance in the middle of the room. We usually kept the door open when we drank. Letting the rest of the barracks wander into our goofy world. The guys would walk by shake their heads and say "You all are crazy." We would look at each other and just laugh.
Then I thought of Stormyweather and that time we were BBQ'ing with her neighbors when she lived off base. She had this two bedroom place with a balcony that overlooked the greenest mountainside I have ever seen. I used to spend a lot of time there. Back to the story. I had come by to visit, it was a late Sunday afternoon and as usual she was five sheets to the wind. The Hawaiian neighbors insisted that I have a beer. It is bad manners in Hawaii to say no to anything the local's offer you. Who was I to deny a quick buzz. Stormy was playing her favorite CD from upstairs. She had a loud ass system. It was Heart's greatest hits (I had given it to her for her bday.) She was quick to run upstairs and hit repeat. The next thing you know we all look up and she's letting her hair go and lip singing to the CD, she opted to hold her beer as her micro-phone. She looked good up there swaying her hips and pointing in our general direction. I remember laughing at her but loving the moment.
I don’t really recall if I ever did anything like that but who knows there were lots of blurry nights. I CAN however, remember the time I almost got my ass handed to me by some really big local girls cause I told them that their song sucked when they sang kareoke. **phew. Tequila makes me bold and I also remember the two above girls saving my ass and being completely pissed at me. I almost got left in the parking lot for being such a dickhead.
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| Shit-pants |
| 01.20.04 (3:13 pm) [edit] |
I think that all offices should have the bathroom area in the back. I sit in the front reception area right next to the restroom and there I was minding my business this afternoon when someone comes into the bathroom and just lets one go?! I hope it hurt on the way out. Not only did he pollute the air with this lunch stench, he didn’t spray the air freshner that I put in there just two weeks ago. It's baby powder fresh and let me tell you that its strong as hell. Now the front office smells like shit and cup-o-noodles. All he could do was look at me when he came out of the four wall room. He had this "Oops I did it again" look on his face.
"Hey asshole you are not Britney Spears so therefore its not fuckin cute!"
I refuse to go in there and spray the bottle. Instead I'm going to open the front door and let that cold ass air in here to help bring some oxygen back to my lungs. I'm going to make a sign that clearly leaves instructions
"Spray after EVERY use. In fact spray it three or four times. Be one with the freshner."
I cant get over the sound that it made. It was just this loud squirt. Like when the super-soaker is out of water and it just spurts at the end. I'm gonna keep my I-tunes on from now on I swear. And I'm gonna play it loud and if anyone comes up here to ask me to turn it down I'm gonna tell them, "No. I'm sorry but I don’t want to listen to people's bowel movements."
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| End of the Road |
| 01.19.04 (2:54 pm) [edit] |
Its time to put down the gloves. Yesterday was Sunday. I spent the day looking for answers. I was hoping they had been hidden in my music. The same songs slowly drumming away at my heart. I looked through my box of pictures. Some days seemed so far away. The smiles usually accompanied by a drink. They were good times. They were an escape.
"Something has to be eating at you for you to have slipped so far," she said.
I looked through my letters. I read through most of my notebooks. Not wanting to re-live the moments but I was hoping to find something there. Something to lay my head on. Something to make me feel solid and unafraid. I didn't find it. Instead I found all my insecurities and my losses staring back at me. I found a life full of mistakes and I found comfort in the liquor instead of the people that tried to surround me. I found that I couldn't tell when I lost control. Yet here I am wanting to walk away from myself. Giving up on the things that I want for me. I'm throwing in the towel cause I don't know whats left to fight for. I wanted to find peace of mind yesterday. Instead I found emptiness.
Saturday I awoke in a dirty cell. I was laying on a pale blue mattress and a thin gray blanket was draped over me. It was cold. With only two hours of sleep and a bucket full of tears to comfort me. The lady that had booked me asked me about the girl in the uniform. I cried when I told her it was me.
"It's o.k baby. Just don't come back," she said quietly.
The only thing that I could think about was how was I going to tell anyone. How was I going to explain it this time. What were they gonna think. Did it really matter. Most of the morning was a blur. I was so tired. My dad's car was wrecked. The front end was smashed in. Cruzando came and got me. He offered to drive around instead of going home. He wanted to make sure that I was going to be able to deal (thank you baby). I walked in and my parents just looked at me. When my sister walked in my knees went weak.
"I knew something was wrong," she said. She kissed my forehead and walked away.
I turned on the water and sat in the shower letting the pain from the hot water replace the pain that was drowning me inside. The night slowly coming back to me. I swear I didn't think I had that much to drink but as always I was wrong when it comes to the liquor. I tried to sleep but all I could hear when I closed my eyes was the sound of the metal hitting the curb. No one was in the car I hit and when I ricocheted across the street I didn't hit any on-coming traffic either.
"Be thankful no one was hurt"
I heard that all weekend. It's a slow nightmare. One that will repeat itself in my head time and time again. I sat in my room last night and I wanted to throw all my awards away. I wanted to burn my books and my writings. I wanted to shatter all my pictures frames. I wanted to tear apart everything that reminded me of my self. I kept trying to tell myself that I was better than all this. That I'd be alright. Then that little voice talks back, "No you aren't. You are someone that will always have an excuse for the next time. You shouldn't have walked away from that and you know it."
I am my own victim. I am at the mercy of my own hands. Self-destructive. Less than a year ago I wrote somewhere that alcohol was going to be my demise. Today I want to be sitting in my room with a bottle of tequila trying to drown all this shit out.
If you know me at all you know that I know full well the consequences to all my actions. I know them and accept them and do them anyway. Have I come full circle? Only the one that created me can answer that. When the days comes for me to meet my maker I'm gonna look him/her straight in the eye and say "You fucked up the day you made me."
Desperado, why don’t you come to your senses?
You been out ridin’ fences for so long now
Oh, you’re a hard one
I know that you got your reasons
These things that are pleasin’ you
Can hurt you somehow
Don’ you draw the queen of diamonds, boy
She’ll beat you if she’s able
You know the queen of heats is always your best bet
Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones that you can’t get
Desperado, oh, you ain’t gettin’ no youger
Your pain and your hunger, they’re drivin’ you home
And freedom, oh freedom well, that’s just some people talkin’
Your prison is walking through this world all alone
Don’t your feet get cold in the winter time?
The sky won’t snow and the sun won’t shine
It’s hard to tell the night time from the day
You’re loosin’ all your highs and lows
Ain’t it funny how the feeling goes away?
Desperado, why don’t you come to your senses?
Come down from your fences, open the gate
It may be rainin’, but there’s a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you, before it’s too late
Eagles
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| Adventures in 2004 |
| 01.16.04 (4:11 pm) [edit] |
If I could describe how I feel today? I would say I am somewhere between a good climax and really good E. Why? Well that’s for me to know. I really wish some of you were here to understand. Some times I can't put everything down. Some people request that I don’t put certain things on here and because some of you are tied to me I have to respect the request.
I will put this down:
1. Things are flowin like a river
2. The long distance thing sucks
3. People are paying more attention
4. Flowers for special people don’t always need a reason.
5. Sometimes it’s the little things that make you understand life.
6. Funnies are always good after a long day.
7. Old friends are golden, new ones remind you of the possibilities
8. I'm getting older this year and I am not scared
9. This year is going to be better than the last ( I have forgiven the psychic)
10. I'm alright with myself. I'm going to enjoy this one for as long as I can ride it out.
There will be many adventures in the coming weeks my friends. You think last years was full of stories. Better brace yourself for this years short-comings and mis-haps. What is on the menu you ask?
Learning how to snowboard (early Feb)
A trip to Michigan (a hot tub and snow)
I going to meet an ex-Marine who has two GF's (photography)
My training for this triathlon (I really don’t want to break anything)
Adventures to the straight clubs (yeah this one is bound to be funny)
An all girl party (this Sunday)
Most of you are saying "how lame". You don’t know me and therefore you have no idea the shit I can get myself into. If you need to be reminded please feel free to read the archives. Have a great weekend!
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| The Naked Loft Party |
| 01.14.04 (10:59 am) [edit] |
I've been reading this web site since yesterday (http://www.nakedloftparty.blo...) I find it to be interesting. The whole idea of being with someone who allows you to explore yourself. It reminded me of a conversation I had once. Last year around my birthday as I was laying in the comfort of some old company. Nothing happened. It was just a moment in time like so many others.
"Lets find a boyfriend. Someone who we can enjoy," she says half smiling.
I looked at her and just laughed, "You and me? Are you serious?"
"Why not? We can mold him but let's make sure he's rich," she said.
"Rich and beautiful cause if we are gonna do this we have to do it right," I respond.
"You would do something like that with me?" she asked.
Her hand laying on my back. Her body perfectly aligned with mine. I took her in. The look in her eyes trying to figure out what I would answer. I really gave it a good thought. Could I share the one thing in my life that I wanted for myself? Would my emotions take over like they always do? Then my mind wandered into the erotic side of it and I half smiled. The thought actually aroused me as long as I knew that I had her heart and because it was her I answered.
"Do you think it would work?" I asked her.
"The thought isn't that bad is it?" she asked back.
"If that’s what you really wanted, then yes I would, " I asked.
She smiled and kissed my forehead. In that moment I remembered what love was. We never embarked on the mission. She had things to take care of and I was learning to let her go.
Reading that site made me wonder if the boundries we set allows love to be what it really is. It's not so much about the sex because sex is a random act of lust anyone can do it. But to love someone in such a manner would be an amazing experience.
"It can be frustrating to have to explain how I can be happy in my relationship yet still desire other people. Is it so wrong to want something even though I am content? Would it be better for people to know that I too have sad moments? I'd rather focus on the things in my life that make me feel good and not feel guilty about enjoying myself. Perhaps I could say something like this, "The whole point is that I desire more than one person, and I desire each person in a different way." --The Naked Loft Party--
I've met people in my life that upon their first words there is an automatic attraction. I've been approached at parties, at clubs by random people wanting to plant the seed of seduction. It happens to me a lot more than I really realize. At times its just innocent flirting, the accidental brush of the bodies, the sly smiles and on and on. I've been happy once, in love, but there were always others that came and went during that time. It caused friction. Frustration more on the other parties part than mine. I suppose anyone that is "with" me would have to know that people are drawn to me. Do I ever act on it? Hardly ever. If it were encouraged? Well the possibilities are endless aren’t they?
I know at the beginning of this rant there was a point but I lost I it somewhere in the thoughts and the words that have formed this blog. If you get the chance read the blog. It's interesting enough. The writer has a knack for capturing the moments.
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| Metro-sexual's |
| 01.12.04 (10:18 am) [edit] |
So I NEVER watch Southpark. When it first came out I thought it was a waste of energy to even watch. Guess it had to do with the fact that it was cartoons. I left the cartoon thing back when I was 11 or 12. Lack of imagination on my part I suppose but last night, as I was experiencing one of those nights that sleep was going to escape me, I happened to click through the comedy channel and there they were. I would have clicked past it except that they were all dressed in pink and calling each other "metro-sexuals". Let me just say that who ever came up with this term should be shot. The cartoon basically was about the kids all being metro sexual's and shunning the one's that were "straight". I have to admit I was laughing through some of the dialogue because it showed how ridiculous this term really is.
My theory: It gave the straight men an excuse to experiment with getting their cocks sucked by other men and then not really having to admit they are gay cause they are "metro-sexuals".
I like my men manly. It irks me that "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" even exists. What the hell is wrong with people. Is it another trend? Will it pass? I can only hope so. If men wanted to be more in tune with their femininity that’s totally understandable but the minute they start getting manicures???? If I wanted to date someone pretty I'd date girls. There is something about a man's edge that gives them an appeal. That’s what makes them sexy and desirable. This getting your hair done shit is really for the birds. My co-worker had me set up an apt for a haircut the other day. The dialogue went something like this:
"Will you do me a favor and call this place and set up an apt for me?"
"Uhm yeah sure." I say looking at him. I couldn’t let it go. "You are serious aren't you?"
"Yeah. I need to get a trim and they only take me with an apt."
"You are going to pay $40 so that they can trim what little hair you have on your head?"
"Well it makes more sense than paying $8 every two weeks and the lady massages my head and gives me samples of new products."
"You probably watch that queer eye show don’t you?"
"My wife likes it and we only have one TV," he says with a smirk.
This brings up the subject of "mandles". You know what they go on your fucken feet and there is nothing on this planet that are going to make your feet look more feminine. Feet are ugly and they are called SANDALES, no matter who puts them on. That is the way of the world and anyone that thinks different has issues. Really men. I am asking you to keep that rugged feel alive. That five o'clock shadow, the plain jeans and the plain t-shirts make girls like me want to jump your bones. Its good to want to be more aware of yourself, your hygiene etc. but not too the point where you start looking better than J-lo. I used to think Ben Affleck was stud, his boyish charm, his jeans, his un-done hair, his natural ability to just be a man. Then I don’t know what happened? All of a sudden he was this Armani robot. Yuck! I no longer find him attractive. Maybe I'm alone on this one. Maybe I'm the only one that doesn’t want my man wearing $500 Diesel jeans and tight Guess shirts, with his hair in the right place and his nails done. Just maybe I'm the only that one that doesn’t buy into this metrosexual phenomenon.
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| My Morning Opinions |
| 01.09.04 (11:24 am) [edit] |
1. I think everyone should leave Britney alone. At 22 she's doing what everyone else was doing at her age. Mooning nosey people, kissing girls, drinking, drugs and enjoying her life. What the hell people. Tell me that if you had the fame and the money that she does that you wouldn’t be out there living it up. I for one can come up with a least 100 things I would be doing. Yes 100 of them! and if I think about it long enough I could probably come up with 1000. I have a really good imagination *wink. Give her a break! I want to give her a hug, slap her ass and say "Live it up baby you only get one shot at this damn ride." Maybe I'd ask her if I could come along *LMAO
2. I'm not a very political person. I don’t vote cause I think the government is crap anyway. Has anyone else noticed the shit that has happened these last four years?? Anyone that votes for Bush again should really re-think their lives through and if there are no better solutions just shoot yourself. I have also realized that I can't stand activists and people that make themselves victims. Though I really respect what they do. I know this makes no sense what so ever but get over it. It's the way I've always been. I want to say thank you to all the people out there that have a cause. I don’t have a cause. I've never had a cause. Well maybe to get laid or meet Angelina Jolie.
3. Angelina Jolie has not gotten a proper blog entry from me because I get dumb when it comes to her. Angie if you are reading this you have my deepest apologies. I think if I were to ever meet her I'd pass out. Really. She'd smile and I'd just fall over. In my opinion she is the most beautiful woman I have ever laid my eyes on. She makes the girls think "un-christian" thoughts and she makes the men squirm with pre-mature "accidents". I used to own every magazine that she was on the cover of. ALL OF THEM PEOPLE. One year I decided that I was too old to hold on to such things and threw them all out. For the daily confession I cried a month later cause it was a dumb, dumb mistake. I've heard people say her "lips are too big" or she's "too skinny" or "she's shaped funny". I have one thing to say to you YOU'RE UGLY.
4. If you don’t like something keep it to yourself. You are mean and rude if you feel you have to be negative about something someone else may like. (Like Rufus Wainwright. Cruzando I realize the error of my ways and I'm sorry. We can go to the concert if you really want too.) We're all mean in our own ways. We are humans but some of you really go off the handle. Here's and idea DRINK A BOTTLE OF TEQUILA AND GO GET LAID! Its really not that serious. Look within yourself and find the core of this issue and kick its ass. NEWSFLASH: its alright if you don’t like everything but you don’t have to be an asshole about it.
5. Paris Hilton I think is the only superstar that pisses me off. She pisses me off cause she's rich and she's dumb. And men that find her attractive should really have their heads examined. HELLO??? You can drill a hole in a wall and bang that and it would be better than banging HER! Has anyone else noticed that she has no curves, NONE? Its not that she's not cute but her personality lacks everything. I have never thought rich people to be dumb or ignorant but if that’s what money will do to you? Shit I'm glad I'm flat broke. Maybe she could redeem herself if she was doing something for the good of this world but she isn't. She flashes that flat ass at any given opportunity and I for one am sick of it. Sidenote: if she could get me into the Playboy Mansion I would pretend to like her. BUT THAT’S IT!
6. If you read this blog and enjoy it means that you have a sense of humor and are willing to laugh at life or at me (either is perfectly o.k) I don’t always have the best stories though I know can come up with some hilarious ones. I laugh at myself a lot. Laughter is what keeps me sane. I tell jokes and I make smart ass comments. I'm projecting. I'm rejecting whatever. It's all in good fun and its healthy. You should learn to laugh. Its almost as good as sex. RELAX--I said ALMOST.
Thank you for reading. I hope you continue to find me as amusing as I find this world to be.
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| Highschool (9 years ago) |
| 01.08.04 (11:53 am) [edit] |
I watched American Wedding last night. It’s the last installment of the American Pie series. It reminded me of high school but for some reason it didn’t dawn on me how long its been til I realized that next year is my 10 year reunion. (I don’t intend on going back for my own reasons). High school for me was in no way boring. I had my shares of laughs, maybe some tears. My first "boyfriend" was a latin boy with fair skin and dark eyes, he drove a motorcycle and he had the sexiest scar just below his left eye. His name was Eduardo and he called me by my middle name instead of my first. It didn’t last long. It was innocent. I was innocent. It was sweet actually. If I had known myself then the way I understand myself now maybe it would have been a bit more. That was my freshman year. Establishing random friendships through classes.
My sophomore year I met Cruzando. We had a math class together it was "hate" at first sight if you will. Mr. I Know All The Answers and the rest of you are just dumb. I don’t know where the animosity came from but it was there and we had a love/hate relationship for a lot of that year. He will always say that it was my fault but I will beg to differ.
I could go into details on the many little things that happened during those four years. Some funny, some not. High school in general is an emotional period and I was already beginning to struggle with "things". On top of that there was the pressure from family to be an outstanding student. I charmed my way through a lot of my classes. The teachers were easy. I went to school with a lot of different people from different backgrounds. We were a ghetto school with security guards. I hung with girls but kicked it with the guys. I was a Jack of all trades yet Master of none. It has been so long since then. I couldn’t see myself then. I didn’t know who I was or where I was headed. I was liked. I didn't TRY to fit in, I just did.
I remember once my two best friends at the time cut school and got some liquor from the corner store. Ben the Security Guard came and got me out of class to let me know that the girls were gonna get in trouble. I managed to get him to open the art room for me so that I could put them in there long enough to sober them up. He got me excused from the rest of my classes and I helped get them . They thanked for the last six months of school. I got away with things like that.
My senior year I had to learn to say goodbye to a lot of things. I had grown up. At the time I thought I was ready for the world. If I had known what the world had in store for me I would have flunked at least one more year. I wouldn’t go back. Not even if they payed me. I learned and I lived on. Sometimes Cruzando and I will sit around saying "remember this" or "rememeber that" and we'll laugh, shake our heads and be glad that its over. A lot has happened in the last 9 years. That’s such a long time but even now high school doesn’t feel like it was that long ago. I was prom queen. Imagine that.
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| For 2004 |
| 01.06.04 (3:11 pm) [edit] |
So it came in with a bang and its off to a slow start. Since the New Year I have been in bed sick. I usually get a cough or a sneeze here and there. Sometimes its just me being tired but no friends the flu bug came and nipped me right in the ass causing me to be bed ridden for two days. I have been battling the shivers and sweats. My voice is shot and head is light as a balloon. This is my fourth day and I am back at work so its better now. I've been drinking lots of fluids (water, orange juice). My appetite hasn’t been around which is nice since I had to go to the doctors only so that they could tell me that I've gained twenty pounds since I've gotten out. So for those of you that keep telling me I look the same "LIARS!!!" That's alright though I'm not mad at you. Really its my own fault. My muscle was bound to turn to flab and to think I quit drinking all that beer for nothing. My shapely legs are no more but have faith my followers!!! (o.k I'm delirious) In 2004 I am taking on being sober and competing in a Triathlon. I've told some people this. For one I like to voice my goals (big or small) (accomplished or not) sometimes I just like to say things out loud. For two I like to feel like I have something to aim for. For three I need to get back in shape. For four I've paid a good chunk of change to participate and I'm not gonna lose that money. For five I really think I can do it.
Now I know how Puff Daddy felt when he said he was running the NY marathon. His peers laughed and said "yeah sure". Puff Daddy I want you to know that I believed in you and this if that superstar can do it. Then this wanna be superstar can do it too.
Oh the things that I need to do to prove something to anyone who is willing to care. I need someone at this very moment and in this very order to
a. "rub my back and say baby it'll be o.k"
b. say "Would u let me wash your hair
Could I make u breakfast sometime
Or then, could we just hang out, I mean
Could we go 2 a movie and cry together
Cuz 2 me baby that would be so fine"
I was feeling lyrical but I lost it. This head cold has officially worn me out for the day.
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| Legs and New Years Eve |
| 01.02.04 (11:41 am) [edit] |
It was a cold and rainy night. Wait that was New Years Day wasn’t it.
Happy New Year all you beautiful people! I'm glad 2003 is over and done with. There is a new wind in the air. Or at least after buying red underwear and a red bra to ring in the New Year with I sure as hell hope so (Cruzando I know it worked for you!!).
I had one of the best New Year Eve's I've had in quite some time now and I remember most of it. I think I spent way too much money but that’s what I was holding on to it for so it was all good. A friend of mine invited me to bar hop with her this New Year. She had the means to get me in to the places she was going too at no cost. Who was anyone to say no to a chance to do that on a New Year's eve? Definitely not me. I was flying solo for the first time in as long as I can remember. It was worth the long ass drive to her place.
I stopped to get some champagne. She needed something to "relax" with and I am one to provide if the opportunity presents itself. I think I had said something about breaking in the New Year sober….that idea quickly faded when I show up at her place and she opens the door with nothing but a towel and a bra on. "Hey! Come in. I'm almost ready." I quickly look at my feet until she goes back to her room.
"I brought you something to drink," I say.
She comes back out of her room and pops the cork. "Here's to a new year" We click glasses and go to her room. She turns the living room light on and guess who is smiling back at me???? Angelina Jolie. Yeah I stop to admire her.
"You have my wife on your wall" I tell her.
"What?" she says from her room.
I give up avoiding her. She is putting on her face and I sit on the edge of her bed. I should really be used to people walking around half naked. It happened all the time in the service but even then I'd make it a habit of looking at my feet or watching the TV. Let me just explain my weakness in life. Carmel skin. Enough said, I think you all get the point especially since we all know how picky I am. I got to help zip up her chinese, figure fitting, blue and silver dress. She's tall, tattooed, pierced and sexy as hell. Oh and let me not forget those legs that begged for attention in those high heels. Just thinking about her now makes my skin crawl. Let me proceed with the evening because I can spend more than a few pages describing her. I will dub her the Queen of Sex Kittens but don’t anybody get me wrong. I know better. Sex kittens are bad for your health. No question, I've been in the game long enough to not know any better. If anything I think I've gained a good friend.
We get to the first place and I was one confused chica. It was called Fairy Butch. I had never been to a place like this before. I couldn’t tell who was what. There were your butch dykes, your transitioning men/women, there were old dykes, femme dykes, goth ones and then the plain ones. I'm sure there were men in there but really I couldn’t tell what was what. I sat in a corner by the speaker. She was teasing me cause I wasn't mingling. I didn’t know anyone and to be honest I was really just watching what was going on around me. I wasn’t in shock it was more admiring. Eventually I moved to the very front of a stage that they had put together. I was to snap pictures of her performance but not before a dark haired girl/boy with a fuzzy beard gave me a lap dance. It was funny.
So the lights go down and there she is. In all her sexiness. This girl can twirk with the best of them and I was the runway picture queen. Excusing myself at this angle, apologizing for being in the way at another angle. She stripped to Paula Cole's "Feelin Love" (VaNative if you remember correctly when this song came out I predicted how good of a stripping song this would be!!??? I think you agreed. It was not a let down) For those of you who don’t know I'm going to post the lyrics so you get the hint.
Feelin Love
You make me feel like a sticky pistil
Leaning into a stamen
You make me feel like a mister sunshine
Himself
You make me feel like splendor in the grass
While we're rollin'
Damn skippy baby
You make me feel like the amazon's runnin' between
My thighs
CHORUS:
You make me feel love, love, love, love, love
Love, love, love, love, love
You make me feel love, love, love, love, love
Love, love, love, love
You make me feel like a candy apple
Red and horny
You make me feel like I wanna be a dumb blonde
In a centerfold, the girl next door
And I would open the door and
I'd be all wet
With my tits soaking through this tiny felt t - shirt
That I'm wearing
And you would open the door and tie
Me up to the bed
Chorus
Lover, but I don't know who I am
Am I (?)
Am I hot inside
What would I place with your hot conscious
Oh baby babe babe babe
I will be your death, the moonlight
Take your time
You make me feel (3 times)
You make me feel loved
We make jokes on the way to the car about her dance. She kept asking me what I thought and I couldn’t help but smile and I'd tell her things. After getting through the crowd of admiring queers we move on to the next place. Named Kaliente. It was a straight spanish joint. They played salsa, merengue and cumbias. She took the stage. At this point two of her friends had joined us and we stood around and mingled. We made jokes and turned down drunk men as they passed by wondering why we kept saying no. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t doing more watching than dancing. Remember how in the Kylie Minogue video for "Cant get you outta my head" her legs were calling from beyond the dress. I was in a trance. Her friends teased me.
"I think she's sexy," I told them.
There wasn’t any point in trying to pretend that she wasn’t the reason I came out. I turned down other offers. I could have stayed home. I wanted to see what the deal was. I wanted to watch her dance. We enjoy each others company. That’s all anyone can ask for when they meet someone right? Anyway we clicked and I wanted to come along for the ride. The
New Year rang in. There were lots of hugs and toasts. She was on the stage doing what she did. I followed her into the dressing room with a drink.
"Happy new years" I stole a quick peck. I was in a light mood. She didn’t seem to mind. We moved on to the third and final bar. There are so many other details but at this point we were both tipsy and just hanging out with people we knew. We went to have breakfast at Mel's with one of her other friends and called it a night. We wound up crashing at her place the storm was crazy and she didn’t want me to drive. I knew better from the last time so I went with what I knew I needed to do. She was sweet and I appreciated the gesture.
Cruzando calls me the next morning to make sure I hadn't wound up in jail. I was at home at this point. I slept all day. I drank too much champagne, corona's and incredible Hulks (Hennesey and Hypnotic). I don’t remember the last time I had felt that tired. Then again we did start at 800pm and didn’t get home till after 400am I think.
Bring it 2004…I think this time I'm ready for you.
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