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| On Being in Love |
| 04.30.04 (12:25 pm) [edit] |
I have a friend who is neck deep in it. I always fuck with him. It’s my way of creating some kind of cushion to the blindness that love can cause. I am the devil’s advocate to such a drastic yet beautiful disease. It’s worse than anything I’ve ever been through. Worse than the time when I as nine and I was diagnosed with a virus that infected my whole body. I couldn’t wake up and threw up constantly for a week. The only thing I remember is them sticking fluid into my spine to fight whatever I was battling.
It is like watching him walk in a thick molasses of emotions. Choking on the things that we need to control but can’t. I want to help him when things go awry but it’s not my place. It’s not my relationship. I have to realize that I cant save him from the heartache or the arguments. That I can’t slap him back to reality when the love oozes at the sight of the person that causes his heart to pound against his chest.
I want to ruin it because I don’t want/like to see him in such a state. When he starts pacing cause he hasn’t gotten a call. Checking the clock two minutes after he talked on the phone. Wanting to call back again just to make sure. Stopping himself from doing it. It’s like a man who hasn’t had a drop of water for days. His lips are dry. His mind is racing. I make a comment. He tells me to shut-up. The jaded one is me after all. He knows that. I don’t mean it. A piece of me craves it.
Then I think of all the wonder. How everything feels new. How you go out of your way to do the little things. How your breath catches and your blood races. How moments pass too quickly. How emotions rule you and common sense is thrown out the window. How forever seems possible. How the vulnerability makes you feel alive and crazy at the same time. How sometimes it’s just too much to take.
I envy you and your weakness right now. I envy that pain which is so different from mine. I wish you love. Ride it out and enjoy every minute. Soak it in. Most importantly realize that the reason you love is because they bring the best parts of you out. The parts that we hide from the world.
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| On Being a Stripper |
| 04.28.04 (2:13 pm) [edit] |
When I was 18 I was obsessed with the idea that someday I would do it. Just to see what it would be like. I wouldn’t have any kind of attachment to the situation, it was just something that I would do. This was before I had ever stepped foot into a strip-club of course. This was before I had ever even went to Broadway to see the strip. This was before I saw that movie “Players Club”. I had rather innocent ideas of what it was like inside that place. I suppose I imagined gentlemen who tipped well and velvet lounges with semi dressed girls running around in cute little outfits.
When I was 21 I went to my first strip club. I didn’t want to go get drunk (I was already doing that). I didn’t want to go to the clubs (I had bouncer friends what were getting me in already). I wanted to go to a strip club. I knew there were 18 and over places. I didn’t want to go there. I wanted to go to Déjà vu. Don’t know why or when I even learned of the place. I think it took me a month to convince anyone to go with me. Finally it was time. I didn’t expect the dirty walls, the really bad lighting, the gross guys but the ladies were not a let down. We had drank a fifth of God knows what now cause I don’t remember and in we went. I don’t remember details. Just that there was porn on the screens, there was loud music, lots of high heels and we tipped well.
I think I left my little fantasy in that little joint. Never thought about it again until just now. I never wanted to become a stripper. I couldn’t have done it professionally I think. The better part of me stayed away from things like that because I am a creature of habit and if I like it I’m gonna do it over and over again. Anyway I was thinking about how I haven’t been to one since Blue Eyes going away and how no one out here wants to go.
When I was in Hawaii that was my favorite thing to do. Lets pick out the girls that have NEVER been to one for whatever reason and go. Of course the guys loved the idea and some how I think we managed for the most part to get some of them to go.
I’ve met a few strippers along the way. None that I would kick out of my bed that’s for sure. Some I was REALLY surprised to know about but we won’t get into that either. I am a keeper of secrets ~~~grins
I lost my train of thought. I think I just miss the mischievous company I used to have. I miss the guys mostly. Can you believe I said that?
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| Dear Alcohol |
| 04.27.04 (3:46 pm) [edit] |
Though this is not written by me and I want to take full credit I will not but I’m posting it because I am still laughing my ass off.)
First and foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. Your many dimensions are mind boggling (different than beer goggling, which I'll touch upon shortly). Yes, my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer with bad TV, and you're even around in the holidays hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings.
Yet lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences, briefed below for your review.
1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2am.
2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal and, though cooking is far from my specialty, why you suggested that I eat a pot noodles and some stale chips (washed down with milk duds and topped off with a Kit Kat all after a few cheez-it’s and chili cheese fries) is beyond me.
3. Clumsiness: I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. Completely unnecessary. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.
4. Pictures: This can be a blessing in disguise, as it can often clarify the last point below, but the following costumes are banned from ever being placed on my head in public again: Indian wigs, sombreros, bows, ties, boxes, upside-down cups, inflatable balloon animals, traffic , cones, or bras.
5. Beer Goggles: If I think I may know him/her from somewhere, I most likely do not. Please do not request that I go over and see if in fact, I do actually know that person. The phrase "let's F-- k" is illegal from now on. While I may be thinking this, please reinstate the brain-to-mouth-block that would stop this thought from becoming a statement, especially in public.
6. Furthermore, the hangovers have GOT to stop. Now, I know a little penance for our previous evenings debauchery may be in order, but the 2pm-hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to bed/passing out facedown on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal and in no way interfere with my daily Saturday or Sunday (or any day for that matter) activities. Come on now, it's only fair. you do your part, I'll do mine.
Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now and would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets.
In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above and address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions and hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.
Thank you,
Your biggest fan
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| The Gay Boys |
| 04.26.04 (11:56 am) [edit] |
I just wanted to go home and eat my ice cream. That’s all I could think about Thursday afternoon before my roommate calls me to go to a BBQ.
“No thanks I’m just gonna go home,” I say (my It’s-It is calling my name).
“Why not?” he asks. I’m not gonna explain to him that if I had to decide between ice-cream and eating BBQ with gay boys….I’d pick the ice-cream any day.
“I just want to go home,” I tell him.
I am walking to the bus stop and on the corner is this cute bald sexy Mexican with a smile who just happened to be walking in the same direction. He smile and I am done for.
“Alright but do they have beer?” I ask.
He half hugs me, “We can go buy some.”
So we walk over to the boys house. We still need to go to the store. So we gear up. Three gay boys, one straight one and me walking down San Pablo looking like a lost bunch of Mexicans. Well I don’t look Mexican so I know we looked funny. (If I had seen us walking down the street I would have laughed at the whole extremity of the group). Anyway we get the chicken, the tortillas, the paletas (ice cream) and head back home. It all began innocently enough until someone takes a trip to the Pyramid (FINALLY SOME LIQUOR) and brings back two 64 oz of beer. Let the fiesta begin I think. It was a bit awkward at first. My roommate was running around doing what he does. There was a coked out chick sitting inside (I will never try to have a conversation with someone on that shit again). The flaming cook walking around with only jeans and an apron on and me. I sat outside and made small talk with the straight guy as we lit the grill and waited for everyone else to get there.
I wanted to get a good buzz before eating some of the chicken that was seasoned in this chile and garlic sauce made from scratch. It smelled real good as it sizzled slowly on the grill. At one point the flamer had went to do a costume change (apparently when he throws parties he changes ever hour or so) and he obviously did a quick line cause when he came back out he was fired up and ready to go. The music was playing and then others began to trickle in. There was Jose (my new BF) and his BF. There was another straight couple (who I will come back to in a second) and the neighbors (I called them the Prisoners because they all have tattooed tear drops and short buzzed haircuts). Scary looking at first but it amazed me that they reacted so well the “family” vibe. Actually they didn’t stay, they came and provided party favors had a beer and made their way back to their place. I will interject that Cruzando had made a promise to not drink for a month (I of course have seen him do it but not this particular day). That promise was short lived and thrown out the window (ah the power of love). Anyway I was feeling good. The flamer and his roommate had place a wooden dance floor in the middle of this. Made for maybe four but you know the gays there is always room for at least ten (hahaha). This floor (I should say it was more like a flat crate) at the end of the night had been broken from everyone dancing on it.
Jose managed to fall in love with me. I think it was the many times I made him spit out his beer from laughing at something I had said. At one point he hit his front tooth with the bottle. I suggested he not drink anything until I stopped talking to avoid such accidents. He was braiding my hair at the end of the night! Why cant I have this affect on the girls? (Cruzando proceeds to tell everyone its my breasts….I should mention we were all really buzzed at this point). Remember the straight couple (who were also doing lines) I scored MADONNA TICKETS!!!! Yeah Yeah Yeah…that’s right FOUR tickets to the sold out show!!! Once that was announced we all danced and sang to Madonna for an hour or maybe more (remember at this point I was really on a high). I should also throw in here that there was a lot more liquor in the house than when it had originally began. I was taking shots of vodka with Jose and drinking beer religiously. Then I was making one of the guys talk to me cause he was from Spain and he had this accent (drooool) So he was impressed that I wasn’t white and we had long conversations about NOTHING in spanish but I wanted to hear him talk so I asked really dumb questions that I really didn’t care to hear the REAL answers too as long as he answered with something.
I don’t remember what time we left and the rest of the night was mingling and laughing and dancing and just having a good time. It was a little more than I had expected. At some point Cruzando and I left cause we had to catch the bus. There are something that I do that I don’t understand. One, I had been mildly sick all of last week but that day I consumed enough alcohol to kill any flu that was living inside of me. Two, I really should have eaten something for dinner even if the goal was to only get a quick buzz (anyone knows that after one, comes two then 5 etc). Three, when we were waiting for the bus I decided I’m going to talk to a bunch of drug dealers on the corner. I don’t know what possessed me to go over there. In fact I don’t remember what we talked about. Cruzando tells me that they were laughing though. So I guess that’s alright.
In retrospect—I didn’t get my ice cream, the hangover was fucking horrible, the flu came back and knocked me on my ass for two days, but I got Madonna tickets.
“Only when I hear the music do I feel this free
at night I lock the door so no one else can see
I’m tired of dancing here all by myself
Tonight I want to dance with someone else…”
I CANT WAIT!
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| Vanilla Sex |
| 04.22.04 (3:13 pm) [edit] |
Yeah boyyyyyy…… I had to look it up to be clear on what it really means. Why you ask? Well because people make up words and ASSUME everyone is gonna get it but if you live in my world full of MTV videos and NO sex then hellloooo??? So apparently it’s sex that is “normal”. This led me to question “what is normal?” So I was right back where I started. Sex is sex. I have had arguments and long ass discussions about what “sex” is. If you came it was sex (its not that complicated really) and if you didn’t come because it sucked and you like to say “that didn’t count” news flash---it was still sex.
I suppose it’s a boundary we make. What qualifies sex –vs- that didn’t count. I’m not gonna get into it. It’s basic and we all know it. You either did or you didn’t. But that’s not what this is about. Anyway the vanilla thing. So if I read everything correctly its plain missionary. So EVERTHING else isn’t vanilla? This sex thing has got me all confused what happened to the days when everyone just did what they did and there weren’t any of these label things running around.
So I’m assuming gay people have “Rainbow sex”?
You see where I am going with this?
Just have sex…if I were running for president that would be my motto ~~BIG GRIN~~ and then I’d smile and stick my thumbs up and the crowds would go nuts. Of course I’d always say : “Be safe! Be free! Be happy!”
Sorry I am ranting and raving. Must be the weather. It’s sunny and breezy and if I got any kind of sex at this point I’d be one freaking happy happy girl
Give me “saran wrap sex” for all I care. Less to clean up
Damn I can be funny sometimes……
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| MY NOSE!!! |
| 04.20.04 (4:24 pm) [edit] |
Alright faithful readers it had been too long since something ridiculous happened to me so I was due for something. I was minding my business as all my stories start and one of my fruity co-workers comes in to say that he bought some smelling spray for the bathroom (people had been complaining about the baby powder air freshener that is in there now) and he ask me if I want to smell it.
“As long as it smells good cause I have a sensitive nose,” I answer.
“Oh it does and it’s an all natural spray,” he answers in his voice and then sprit’s three pumps of this thing into the air.
I CAN NOT put into words how strong this odor was. It STUNG my nose and I accidentally yelped and tried to head for the door as he choked on the air. I couldn’t breath and I swear it felt like my little nose hairs caught on fire. Supposedly it was supposed to smell like a botanical garden but the freaking thing smelled like Bengay and Vicks Vapor Rub all in one. THEN to top it off he comes running after me asking me what’s wrong like he wasn’t back there coughing up a lung too. The spray was in a concentrate bottle and you were supposed to add it to a bigger bottle. But it gets better (cause it always does in my case). I come back to my desk after about 15 minutes of staying away. I wasn’t gonna go back in there until it calmed down. My nose is still tingling.
I get a phone call from one of the supervisors saying that one of the clocks on the other side still hasn’t been changed and away I go to be the clock bitch. I get in there and its up top over the cupboard where I OBVIOUSLY can’t reach and we don’t have a step ladder downstairs. So I look around and realize I’m going to have to step on the counter. “I can just jump up there I think” and so I test the faucet to see if it will balance me some and its firm. So I go to get up and the faucet turns out to be detachable as one leg goes into the sink and the other toward the floor. Oh let me tell you I sat on the ledge for fifteen minutes laughing at myself. At least the water wasn’t turn on cause then we would have had a grand ol’ time.
I am glad to inform everyone that there were no serious injuries involved in this little adventure.
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| Ladies First Tour |
| 04.19.04 (12:17 pm) [edit] |
Look people let me tell you what I expected and what I got were two totally different things. I payed a pretty penny for the seats that we got but I did not anticipate how close we were really going to be to the stage. I bought them as a birthday gift for my sister (next month is her 17th birthday). Time flies but we won’t get into that. I surprised her with the gift on Friday and after her heart attack (cause she didn’t believe me at first) she glowed all day. Calling all her little friends to brag. It was cute.
We get there early enough to make a bathroom stop and to see the different concert goodies laying around. Then we make our way to find our seats. Each usher kept sending us closer and closer to the stage. Then we reach our seats. THEY WILL NOT LOOK LIKE ANTS! We are in the first section right next to the stage 19 rows back. At this point my sister says that she is thirsty but doesn’t want to leave the seats cause the concert may start and we’d miss it. Then the lights go down and people start screaming. Missy explodes onto the stage. She’s rappin and getting the crowd worked up. She does a medley of her old songs mixed with her new ones. Her dancers are in a frenzy. Shaking that way. Moving this way. There were three costume changes and during the second set she jumps into the floor seat crowd. There are 5 VERY big guys trying to hold the crowd back as she jumps on a chair and starts throwing her hands up. She then runs into different sections of the 1st section seats. Let me just say that Missy is in shape. She loses some of her body guards as she runs through the crowds (I find this to be hilarious). So much for that idea huh? The fans are jumping and singing and swinging their hands. Then something happens she jumps on the stage and slows it all down. There is a dancer on a pole and there are two male dancers on the ground floor. They all start to strip and there was LOTS to see my friends. My sister is screaming and yelling and I am laughing my ass off. The pole dancer manages to maneuver her way down the pole using only her legs. (yeah them thighs could crush watermelons I’m sure) and the male dancers proceed to get down to their barely there underwear. Uhm if I should date a man I want him to be a dancer. Cause the muscles just flexed and the sweat was dripping and I was having too much fun. Then the beats come back on and the crowd goes crazy. She dedicates the set to artists that have passed away and she’s gone.
Next is the one and only Alicia Keys. She is wearing her signature hat. She is wearing jeans and long boots with a hot pink bustier and a long coat. Her band is set up and she opens with a funk set from her new album. Singing her song, waving her hands. Gliding in those boots as she goes from one side of the stage to another. Now everyone knows that I am an Alicia fan. I was yelling like a little girl. She is thick. Thick and beautiful and classy. Her sexy voice lifted and everyone was feeling her soulful ways. (I know I was). She plays those keys and its over. The arena sang all her songs. Almost drowning her out at times. But when she sang MY SONG my skin crawled and I wanted to jump onto the stage. I closed my eyes and just listened. It was all there. The high notes. The emotions. The lyrics. Her voice. I jumped, I clapped, I danced and I sang as loud as I could just to get it out. Then she did something that I didn’t expect. (I’ve seen her once before and she never once went in this direction). She takes of her coat and removes her hat. She smiles into the microphone and hushes the crowd by putting her finger to her lips.
“Let’s take it slow,” that silky voice says quietly. (I’m thinking “good Lord”)
She then crawls onto her piano and everyone is screaming. I tell my sister I’m gonna faint and she laughs at me. I believe it was a cover of an old song or a track I had never heard before. But it was slow and sensual and her voice was still giving me chills. She lays back on to her piano and leans over playing slowly with the keys. On the screen all you can see is her hand as she goes over each key as if it were lover. Man I swear I hadn’t seen anything that sexy in a long time. It was good. Out of the three she was my favorite. EVERYTHING about her just appeals to me. I was sad when her set was over.
Then comes the headliner. I should mention that at this point we had gone to get something to drink being that our throats were EXTREMLY dry from all the yelling we had already done. Miss Beyonce was carried in on a bed by muscle boys who looked yummy in their toga skirts. She threw flowers into the crowd and waved before being escorted off to the stage by a muscular “statue”. She opens with “baby boy” and closes with “Crazy in love”. She is totally a crowd pleaser. There were fire torches. There were many costume changes. She is much thinner in real life than on screen or on magazines. Her smile is still amazing and she can sing with the best of them. There was so much sweat and dancing and screaming and more dancing. She pulled a Britney with a number called “Rock Star” when she came out on stage with what looked to be a see-through pair of pink pants and a halter top. I don’t think they were but it was really hard to tell. I really thought my sister was going to have a heart attack she was yelling and screaming and singing and dancing. She was excited cause Beyonce is her idol of the moment. J-Lo is so yesterday (o.k this is funny). All three did a really good job of including every section of the crowd. Which is just as important cause that’s what its supposed to be about. Give and take so to speak. At the end my voice was gone. I had so much fun. It was a show worth seeing. One because a lot of it was sung live (which is where you can make out the artists from the posers), two because the crowd was so into it (everyone singing and dancing), and three because there were so many beautiful people in one place. I was crowd watching between intermissions (boy was I watching).
I’d go see it again. Just to watch Alicia crawl on her piano. Damn that girl is hot.
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| I Am Tired |
| 04.19.04 (10:15 am) [edit] |
This is going to come into two parts. One VaNative’s visit and two the Ladies First Tour (OMG). I am officially worn out. Between all the site seeing, dancing, and drinking I think it is really hitting me that I am getting older. Vanative arrived Wed. evening and he looks good! Talk about losing weight and toning the body. He arrived with his usual smile and hugs. We called Sukrmom to say hello and she was giggly and jealous. We won’t talk about what she was trying to talk to me about on the phone (it didn’t work!!! Nah nah nah) I cooked dinner that night and we watched TV for a bit. My sister had come to stay. So we lounged around we did a little catching up and he fell asleep early since he was only on three hours of sleep. (I swear I don’t know how he does it). Thursday we get up and venture into the city. We ride the trolley and he is camera happy. He convinced my sister to take pictures with complete strangers (this was amazing since she is shy). He seemed to be at ease. We went to the pier and ate some clam chowder out of a sourdough bowl (drool) and then proceeded to stuff our faces at the Ghirardelli Chocolate factory. We each devoured a huge sundae after waiting in line for nearly twenty minutes. He reminded me of a kid in a candy store.
That night we ventured into the night life. In fact we did this every night since Thursday. We agreed that Saturday during the early evening is the best time to be in the Castro. All the beautiful people drink martini’s and mingle. Then when the sun goes down they all go home with each other while the rest of the night life walks around in a drunken state of mind. It felt really good to be out and seeing things. I had never really been there during the day. I tried to explain that I didn’t like to do things alone. He tells me that I need to get over it and go. “Ride public trans and just see things.” I smiled cause I knew that already. He does it often. Vanative has this way of enjoying every aspect of his day. He loves the possibilities of life. I admire that about him. He got to meet a lot of the people I hang with now. Which was interesting. I kept asking him if he was alright (I know this annoyed him to an extent) but I was just ensuring that his trip was worth it. I also took him to AsiaSF for dinner as his birthday gift. The food was sooo good and the entertainment was even better.
At the Café I “acquired” these cool ass shot glasses which I managed to hide and give to VaNative and L P.I.M.P later. It was my gift to them. I danced for four nights straight. I danced with VaNative. I danced with strangers. I danced with some of my favorite girls. I let it go and I think that’s what I love so much about him. He encourages the freedom and the excitement of life. He makes me feel better about who I am. I hope his trip was as enjoyable as I thought it was. I cant wait till he moves to San Diego. ROAD TRIP!!!!!
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| Quarter Life Crisis |
| 04.13.04 (1:45 pm) [edit] |
So I was going to write about my weekend but to be honest I don’t want too. Suffice to say that I had a REALLY good time hanging out with Blue Eyes. It was good to just be around her and hang out and drink and watch TV and see the city and laugh. She now knows the secret to my success. I’m a dork. That’s all there is to it folks.
Now on to other things. Someone has gracefully put the truth in my face on the real tip (liked that didn’t you?). So now I am sitting her sulking and trying to figure out how to change something that I have become EXTREMELY good at. See I have goals. Dreams if you will and I get into
this habit of just talking about it but not actually doing anything about it.
Or in his words “You make things up in your head” and then I believe them too and then I like to make things difficult for myself. So that it may not stop me completely from accomplishing things but it deters me from getting to where I need to be.
So now I am sitting here thinking of all the things I need to do to get to where I want to be. For starters I need to quit fucking up and getting in trouble with the law. I cant do anything this year because I have classes and courts to deal with. I had to give up a day of work and my weekends in general because I can’t breath this year but I’m not complaining. I realize how lucky I was. I know what I need to do to put it behind me and move on.
So anyway I don’t know where I was going with this. Just that I am upset now. I’m having a crisis due to honest friends. Not that I would change it. That’s the point of having them but I won’t say that I’m happy about it.
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| I’m gonna EXPLODE |
| 04.08.04 (1:14 pm) [edit] |
I cant remember the last time I had felt this good about anything in a while. This morning Blue Eyes called me to tell me she was less than an hour away. I had missed her so much that I had forgotten what it was like to have her around. When I saw her this morning I squeezed her. She is at my place sleeping and I am counting the hours till my time to go home happens. For those of you who don’t know she was my partner in crime during most of my military career. We lived together in a small four wall room for a little more than two years until she got promoted and moved on to bigger and better things. We have so many, many, funny, funny memories together. I don’t work tomorrow so its bound to be a weekend full of mischief, mishaps and good times. Have I mentioned how excited I am??!! There are certain people in your life that just really bring out the best in you. She is one of them and I’m glad she’s here this weekend. I can’t wait till next weekend when VaNative comes to see me. wahooooooo.
I’m gonna add on here that it helps that I got a call this morning from someone who had gone away for a minute. Then just like that it all goes away and we are on the same page again.
Whoop whoop. I hope everyone is having such a good day. I cant stop grinning and my music is on and I’m singing along with everything that comes on the radio right now…….
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| We’re In! |
| 04.05.04 (4:04 pm) [edit] |
Yes baby. We don’t have groceries. We have coke’s and corona’s in our fridge but its ours! We have furniture (though we really need to find covers for the couches) but it’s ours! We don’t have pots but we have pans. Cruzando received a box of Ramen from our funny bosses and I have been eating Easy Mac since Friday. Yuk I’m done with it. I managed to wash and put the dishes away finally this weekend. I also got my bedroom together. Cruzando donated his pimpin zebra sheets because I didn’t have any that would fit my bed. (I need to get these replaced ASAP) it totally does not fit with the flow of my room. Currently I have no frame for my bed but someone is donating their “fabulous” iron frame to my cause. Apparently I am told that it’s perfect for hand-cuffs. We shall see. I’m getting it today I think. Or sometime this week. We don’t have cable yet which completely blows cause there are exactly three channels that come in and nothing is ever on.
Let’s talk about the thin ass walls and the thunderstorm shower that we have acquired. Now obviously I have never lived in an apt building. I’m so used to renting houses or living in a place with somewhat sound proof walls. Let me just say that you can hear EVERYTHING in the apt and everything that happens upstairs and everything that happens in the rooms adjacent to our bedrooms. I have to either a) be completely drunk or b) completely tired in order not to hear anything. I think it’s just a matter of adjustment and then I’ll be alright. I’m a light sleeper so when I hear a noise I’m awake and have trouble falling asleep again. Cruzando and I have agreed to let each other know when company is coming so that we can turn the radio’s on (I know this SOUNDS funny but the walls are really thin). Not that I ever have company but who knows right?
On to the shower. I LOVE the pressure that the shower gives. It feels good on my tired bones and back. The problem is that it’s so strong we have to fight with the shower curtain as it flies everywhere. If I had to describe what it looks like I would say it looks like a flag during a thunderstorm. The trick is to get it to stick so that water doesn’t spill out of the shower. I hadn’t noticed it the first night but Cruzando asked me about it the day after. He told me he felt like he was showering in a thunderstorm. The curtain kept flapping up and I was laughing my ass off. Now I know most would say turn the pressure down but it doesn’t have a control setting so we have to deal with it. I’m just gonna resort to bath’s. I’m going to be indulging in on of those this evening.
So we have a few things left to do. We are going to make (yes I said make) a liquor cabinet out of a crate. We need to find a short long bookshelf for the living room. We need to fill our wine holder with some wine. We need to get some groceries. We need to find couch covers. We need to get cable. We NEED to get that damned curry smell out of the house. Other than that we are set. We will be popping the champagne bottle soon.
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| "I'm like YEAH" |
| 04.01.04 (3:43 pm) [edit] |
“Next thing I knew she was all up on me…”
Maybe we’ll glimpse each other on the dance floor. The sweaty bodies pressed against each other. She’ll fit right into me and I’ll smile and tilt my head to see if she’s game. We’ll move and she’ll test to see if I can keep up (this is my favorite part) cause before you know it there is a smile and she’s dancing closer. I’m watching her hips. I’m feeling the beat pulse in my blood. She’ll sneak closer. I’ll smile giving her the cushion she needs. My body in tune with hers. (it always catches them off guard). I pretend not to notice as she leans in to tell me “you can move really well” I laugh and say thank you. She turns her back and leans close. I can smell her hair and I place my hands on her waist She doesn’t pull away. I can graze her neck with my lips and I feel her skin goose up. I pull away trying to make sure there’s still some respect though she feels good. She feels raw and alive as her body grinds in tune with the rhythm of the music. Sometimes, most of the times I’ll word the songs. I come alive. She likes it. So I keep on. Pretending to enjoy the dance more than the way she moves. Cant be too greedy and I sneak a glimpse when she isn’t paying attention. I take her hand and guide her closer. Pretty soon there is only room to breathe between us. Our bodies stimulate the desire that may or may not be meant for me. I look at her once. She smiles and leans closer. I ask her name. She asks for mine. I’m thinking this is alright. I never take my chances except on the dance floor. That’s where I let it go. She turns again. She guides my hands into hers. One her waist the other on her thigh.
“She asked for one more dance and I'm
Like yeah, how the hell am I supposed to leave?”
….then the lights come up. There’s always a kiss on the cheek. There’s always goodnight. There’s always next time.
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